Wish

All eyes are on

The bride walking down the aisle

My eyes are

On you.

 

I am here

Holding my breath

At your wedding

Just one of the boys

Tearing up like a girl.

 

I am here

To witness your bliss

To wish you well

To watch my childhood dream

Be crushed by

The flight of doves,

The throwing of rice

The clink of glass

“You may kiss the bride…”

 

My chest implodes

And it feels like

A stupid corset is the only thing

Holding me intact

But I will manage a smile

When you have your photo taken at our table

One arm casually slung across my shoulder

Your playground pal

Your devoted shadow

 

I wish you well

I wish you well

I wish you well

I can do this

And as I finally say it out loud

I wish you all the best—

Your bride is already turning

To the next guest

But you,

You are still smiling at me

Drawing me close

Planting a kiss

on my forehead

In that oblivious,

tender way

 

I come undone.

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Fly

San Francisco, 2006.

San Francisco, 2006.

The ground falls away beneath her feet

Is she awake

or is she asleep

Could she be dreaming

dreaming this life

Her lover’s leaving

In goes the knife

The nightmare begins to breathe

The sadness blows her off the ground

She’s loved him so long

She cannot look down

But now she’s flying

She’s suddenly free

Terror subsides, and

the girl becomes me

I lost my love

and now I am found.

Dusk

Dusk

It was already dusk when I looked up,
somewhat disoriented,
where did the time go?
I thought I would take a “coffee break”
from my work-at-home load
to sneak in a few pages of this book
borrowed from a friend.
Reading on a working day!
The ultimate guilty pleasure.
Just a few minutes, swear
But of course I got carried away
Min, the girl in the story,
appeared to be writing a letter/
holding a monologue
Explaining to her ex, Ed (and the rest of us)
why they broke up
I loved how the words tumbled out with no brakes,
like the way people really think
Bright and raw and matter of fact and precious
Always, this dilemma: to savor every page,
or speedread through to the end,
to find out why, really, why did they break up?
But halfway through,
miaaaooowwww
The cat looks at me, then out the window,
Indicating that I’ve been remiss with my afternoon duties
Oh no! Where did the time go?
I still need to finish an article, walk the cat, defrost what we’re having for dinner
No more time today
to find out, whether or not
–hoping against hope–
Min and Ed didn’t break up after all

It was already dusk.

Mute

So this is it.

This is the end.

I thought it would sound like the screeching of tires

Or the splintering of glass

I never expected this quiet hush

A whisper of silk

As your hand drops from my waist;

A whoosh of air

As my heart exhales

No more finger pointing

The business of blame is done

How did it come to this

How does love unravel with no sound?

Miscarriage

It clings to my womb for dear life
A bloody mass
My red hot love
And I know I’m gonna lose it
I can feel it in my gut
It’s gonna seep through my skin
This precious, budding baby within
Beginning to grow fingers, beginning to grow toes
I was just beginning to know love
Water breaks,
And love goes.

When The Sky Is Red

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When the earth is gold
And the sky is red
And lovers meet
in the woodcutter’s shed
I’ll sit alone
Under weeping trees
Dreaming of you
Dreaming of me.

When the night descends
And the north wind comes
And lovers join
to keep each other warm
I’ll wrap my arms
around myself
And pretend you never left.

When the rooster crows
And the sky is blue
And the leaves are wet
with morning dew
My hands will meet
soft sheets instead
When I reach for you
in my empty bed.

When the rain falls
When the clouds release
And lovers take cover
under weeping trees
I’ll sit alone
under the pouring rain
Waiting for the sun.