Wish

All eyes are on

The bride walking down the aisle

My eyes are

On you.

 

I am here

Holding my breath

At your wedding

Just one of the boys

Tearing up like a girl.

 

I am here

To witness your bliss

To wish you well

To watch my childhood dream

Be crushed by

The flight of doves,

The throwing of rice

The clink of glass

“You may kiss the bride…”

 

My chest implodes

And it feels like

A stupid corset is the only thing

Holding me intact

But I will manage a smile

When you have your photo taken at our table

One arm casually slung across my shoulder

Your playground pal

Your devoted shadow

 

I wish you well

I wish you well

I wish you well

I can do this

And as I finally say it out loud

I wish you all the best—

Your bride is already turning

To the next guest

But you,

You are still smiling at me

Drawing me close

Planting a kiss

on my forehead

In that oblivious,

tender way

 

I come undone.

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See

Once upon a time, I wrote this tinypoem:

“Someone who sees me
–Yes, I’d like that–
Someone who loves my quirks
And silly dances
And double chin
But until then
Who needs a jerk
When I have wonderful friends?”

And just when I learned to value myself and feel completely comfortable in my own skin, wouldn’t you know, Toto came along, and the rest is history. Celebrating ten years today!

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Magic

fairground

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sometimes,

When you least expect it

Your ordinary life

Is sprinkled with fairy dust

And blessed with love.

 

I stopped looking for extraordinary signs,

Extraordinary circumstances;

Knights on white horses,

The random grand gestures

That blind you

To the billion simple joys

A kindred soul brings

 

One day, I realized

Magic is the capacity to see wonder

In everyday things.

 

Possession

I clung to you by inertia.

 

Your hands were vines

that crept up the walls of my body

winding round my neck and legs

claiming my crevices as your own

So that I defined myself

by your leaves and stems

and flowered only

in the places where

you allowed me

to grow.

 

Little by little,

you snuffed out the sun—

my life-source.

And in my delirium

I believed I could

sustain myself

by my lust

for you.

 

One day, the fever was gone

and I started to suffocate.

Hungry for air,

I disentangled myself

and gravitated towards the rays of the sun.

 

Their full force was blinding

and the wind, too strong

My body felt faint

after being an extension

of your limbs

for so long.

 

In panic,

I grasped for your hands

to hold me upright,

falling back to the earth

that lured me into lethargy

falling back on the vines that had

become my spine.

 

 

I clung to you by inertia;

 

Breathing through an oxygen mask

Motionless, but aware this time

Carefully avoiding the poison ivy

as I groped through

our entwined body parts,

identifying yours

and redefining mine

 

You tried to repossess me

but I only stayed long enough

to separate myself

 

So that my limbs would be intact

Independent of your ivy,

and immune to your poison

when I finally broke free.

 

 

 

Paper Roses

The day soon drew near

and I feared

that you would ask me late

 

And thus it came,

the day I yearly dread

and secretly anticipate

 

But, oh! To be a girl, at Valentine’s,

and with no date!

 

Roses came for friends and friends

But none came for me

Where are all the ardent men

That figure in my fantasies?

 

Happily, some materialized

And gave me flowers later

As for you, cheapskate

You fashioned a rose

Out of newspaper.

 

So many pretty roses did I get, yet…

(Be still my beating heart)

I coolly called yours crude,

And in protest

You called it “art.”

 

I mockingly promised to treasure it so…

But you need not ever know

That in my one vase

is displayed

Not a real,

but paper rose.

Humpty Dumpty

Talking to you

Is like walking on eggshells

I feel like my voice is going to break

Any minute

Betraying the cracks in my resolve

Why do you unnerve me

Why do you tap against my skin,

Like I am hard-boiled

When you know

My center is all soft

And runny, still

There’s only the fragile shell

To hold me in

Hello, How are you, How long have you been back?

Tap, tap, tap

My heart swells within

If it shatters

Who will put me back together again?

So here we go

Hello, walk away

Rinse, and repeat

I refuse to end up

Like the million other girls

Lying broken,

puddling at your feet.